My heart was shattered after outreach last night. I was sobbing so uncontrollably on the way home, I nearly had to pull over because I couldn’t breathe. I hadn’t experienced this level of grief after leaving the strip clubs since last December.
I saw a special girl last night. The very first girl I ever ministered to on my very first night out. It was also her first night out as a dancer. She was so sweet, just 19-years-old, with huge dimples, and I wanted nothing but to hold her and love on her. I’ve only seen her twice since then, but she’s always heavy on my heart and in my prayers.
Last night, the Lord told me I definitely needed to visit that particular club so off we went. And there she was, alone on the dressing room. As soon as I saw her, I prayed internally for the strength to make it through the conversation. She was different. I could see and feel it.
After I inquired on how things were going, she shared some things with me, and I was flooded with images. Without her saying, in the spirit I saw and knew everything.
I was crushed. Her innocence was stolen. And I was shown exactly how.
After some time with her and praying for another young woman, we left and got in the car to do a cleansing prayer. The tears were immediate.
I pulled myself together to pray, but once back in my own car, the weight was too much and I had to release the wailing cries for all the women we minister to. For all those lost and brokenhearted, with no hope or reason to keep going on. For all the times my innocence was stolen as a child. For all those the Lord was showing me that were at home self-harming and self-medicating.
We have been given these burdens and assignments. We are called to intercede, and that doesn’t always feel good or look pretty.
I prayed for God to give me strength to endure the weight of this calling to minister to those deep in darkness. Darkness most won’t touch or even know where to begin. And, I thanked Him for giving me a compassionate mother’s heart of gold.
Once that passed and I came back to a place of joy, another one of my young girls called me in need of guidance, and by the time we finished up at 11pm, the fire of the Holy Spirit was burning bright.
I awoke this morning, remembering we are victorious in Christ. And my heartbreak the night before only propelled me forward with more passion and purpose than ever before. I will not give up on the lost, or myself!
For such a time as this!!
“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”” Esther 4:14